Being A Single Mother

Being a single mother in our era has never been easy. Apart from the costs of raising a child or children that rise daily, we still put up with a lot of criticism that we have never subscribed for.

Mostly those that stereotype us do not even know the reasons why we ended up being single mothers. But before we know it we are blamed for our situation. Everything becomes our fault. We become the reason why the fathers of our children left us. For heaven' sake the man could be dead; or left because of other reasons. Reasons we are not even prepared to share with the world. But no! We live in a society where people are quick to assume and believe so much in their assumptions that they spread them like they are facts.

It hurts even most when I hear what church members have to say. They should know better what the Holy Book says about gossip and spewing lies. These deeds are shunned by God whom they claim they serve with their souls. A single mom is often referred to as a non-repetent sinner. Or a "parent" with big invented commas. Remarks like 'you can tell just by looking at so and so' that s/he was planned referring to children born in wedlock. And our children 'the unplanned ones' get labelled with names like 'bustards' and 'magic' and even Jesus. Jesus implies there’s no physical fleshly father presence in the child's life.

Many a times it is said that our children came to be because of our lose conduct. Our children are said to be fathered by married man and many other bitter names follow them.

In their eyes we can never achieve anything. They question our successes because in their minds we are a bunch of irresponsible airheads. Whenever we are seen in the company of the opposite sex they say: "Oh she's looking for a daddy for her bustard" or "three months from now she'll be pregnant, watch her".

Is it not enough that we play both parents' role in the life of our children? Why do we not ever get credit for the police, accountants, doctors and many professions that we single-handedly raise? Is it not enough that we have to deal with questions of all sorts from our little ones explaining why their daddies never pick them up from school and why they are never in their life.

Good lord, does anybody know how we sob under the bed covers because of all the pain and load we carry on our shoulders? No one cares to stop and ask how we are doing. No one sees the tears maybe it is because they are not there but they are there if someone cares to look!

If anybody is ever there for a single mother that person is God, or her mother or another sister.

Single mother out there, I'm here. I know what you go through. You are not, I repeat you are not alone. Don't let it get the best of you. I know the pain that no career and amount of money can fill. But keep your head up, it is not your fault. Forget those bigmouths. One elderly woman once told me: When people scratch you the wrong way; they are helping you. At the end, you will be the finest shining gem. And what about your ridiculers? They will remain the same people.


This is sisterly love - all the way.