Sister 4 Sister

Ladies, who remembers that song that by The Best Man Quartet? It was a single called Best Man? Who would forget those hunks that made up the quartet? Tyrese, Genuwine, Case and that guy that sang We Can't Be Friends with Deborah Cox? Well apart from the movie and characters and video of the song that got us drooling until the end of the song; the song had the most profound lyrics.


I learnt so many things from those lyrical words. Those gentlemen valued the friendship they had. They looked out for each other hence the chorus 'what can a brother a brother do for me if he can't help me up when I am down? If he can't be my eyes when I can't see?' Somewhere in the video the friends fight because the one has cheated with the other's bride but they forgive each other. The wrongdoer shows some remorse and is forgiven. Hence the line sang by Genuwine 'I am still your boy...I don't like the men I used to be...help me be the best man'.


These gentlemen with their hit song taught or should I say teach us so many lessons sisters: 1) Humbling ourselves 2) Apologising and showing remorse 3) Interdependency - that we all exist because we are part of a whole.
This is a lesson from men.


I say we women can do better. We are softhearted by nature and feeling for each other comes naturally. We have these warm motherly qualities bestowed in us. We can do it.


We can start by seeing each other as the same. There's no better people. Whether living in a mansion or in poverty striken rural settlements. We are all women and from time to time encounter the same life challenges from our cheating men, to raising children with the aid of partners or single-handedly. Some of us may have helpers so don't get down to the domestic science but we all carry our breasts on our busts (LOL). Well some of us chose to be lesbians but that does not change them from bearing the same features as the rest of us. We all concerned about rapists whether bisexual or straight.


One thing though that we seem to lack is respect, from all angles of the word. We just have lost it especially when it comes to respecting each other's territories. And this seems to be a global plague, that of snatching each other's men. Sisters! Oh that's the worst thing to do unto each other. How do you drop your panties for another sister's man? Why do we despise each other so much?


Instead of being sources of strength and support and lifting each other up we seem to be in a spree to with so much deliberacy stab each other. I can't overlook the various reasons that vary from sister to sister but all I know is I would rather die a loner than be happy at an expense of another dear sister.


That's what Sister 4 Sister encourages.


Let us be like the gentlemen in the song: love one another, respect each other, be the wind beneath each other's wings.


That is what I call sisterly love. All the way.

Being A Single Mother

Being a single mother in our era has never been easy. Apart from the costs of raising a child or children that rise daily, we still put up with a lot of criticism that we have never subscribed for.

Mostly those that stereotype us do not even know the reasons why we ended up being single mothers. But before we know it we are blamed for our situation. Everything becomes our fault. We become the reason why the fathers of our children left us. For heaven' sake the man could be dead; or left because of other reasons. Reasons we are not even prepared to share with the world. But no! We live in a society where people are quick to assume and believe so much in their assumptions that they spread them like they are facts.

It hurts even most when I hear what church members have to say. They should know better what the Holy Book says about gossip and spewing lies. These deeds are shunned by God whom they claim they serve with their souls. A single mom is often referred to as a non-repetent sinner. Or a "parent" with big invented commas. Remarks like 'you can tell just by looking at so and so' that s/he was planned referring to children born in wedlock. And our children 'the unplanned ones' get labelled with names like 'bustards' and 'magic' and even Jesus. Jesus implies there’s no physical fleshly father presence in the child's life.

Many a times it is said that our children came to be because of our lose conduct. Our children are said to be fathered by married man and many other bitter names follow them.

In their eyes we can never achieve anything. They question our successes because in their minds we are a bunch of irresponsible airheads. Whenever we are seen in the company of the opposite sex they say: "Oh she's looking for a daddy for her bustard" or "three months from now she'll be pregnant, watch her".

Is it not enough that we play both parents' role in the life of our children? Why do we not ever get credit for the police, accountants, doctors and many professions that we single-handedly raise? Is it not enough that we have to deal with questions of all sorts from our little ones explaining why their daddies never pick them up from school and why they are never in their life.

Good lord, does anybody know how we sob under the bed covers because of all the pain and load we carry on our shoulders? No one cares to stop and ask how we are doing. No one sees the tears maybe it is because they are not there but they are there if someone cares to look!

If anybody is ever there for a single mother that person is God, or her mother or another sister.

Single mother out there, I'm here. I know what you go through. You are not, I repeat you are not alone. Don't let it get the best of you. I know the pain that no career and amount of money can fill. But keep your head up, it is not your fault. Forget those bigmouths. One elderly woman once told me: When people scratch you the wrong way; they are helping you. At the end, you will be the finest shining gem. And what about your ridiculers? They will remain the same people.


This is sisterly love - all the way.

Dragon Lady

Observer 1: Zandi is callous, they say. She lacks feeling, I just fail to understand her. She is mean. She wears this serious face. She is a she-bear! No, dragon lady. Dragon-lady, that is what she is!


Observer 2: Oh Zandi's the sweetest soul there is! Boy is she funny! Amiable! Charming! Angelic smile! She so serene!


I am not sorry for being the person I am no will I apologize for my callousness; my lack of feeling as you may define it. For it is not that at all. I feel many things these days, much more than I was able to feel in the days when I was young and everything happened, and there are reasons for this more than the consequence of age. Therefore I shall not apologize but begin by recalling the facts as I remember them that led to my callousness, the events that put me in a position to write this piece.


Once upon a time in my life...
Before life removed all the innocence, before humans showed me who they really are, I trusted, I loved unconditionally, I obeyed - respected, I was a true definition of meekness kindness and justice and love. I was Casper, the friendly ghost cartoon. Know him? Yeah, that was me. First a hurricane visited me. It blew my surroundings so hard, eroded and destroyed all my shelter and opened me up to all other unbearable weathers. I'm talking about life trials. When they come they evade your space like a hurricane...when it quitens down it leaves you with no roof, no food, and no security can save you from it. That is what life has done to me...taken away my innocence, all my kindness and filled me with fear and rage.


I had to learn to defend myself, I had to withstand the next hurricane and tornado. I had to be flexible, easily acclimatize to all sorts of weather. I had to develop a personality that would ensure I'm no easy target - I needed resistance. I needed a character that will endure the winter, summer, spring and autumn. And I looked around me - I saw a rock. A rock remains a rock in rain, it bears up the harsh sun, it's not moved by winds and it feels nothing. I decided I will be a rock. My emotions died...


I felt nothing.


I was ok like that until I decided I missed my kind - humans. And I opened myself up for another hurricane...criticism, heartache, gossip...the list goes on.
I looked at Zandi as a rock, I looked at Zandi as a darling - the darling is always crying, broken, hurt and the rock - the rock knew no sadness. It knew no laughter - it was callous.


I will be that rock...till I perish. Better that way...


Call me a Dragon Lady...I careless.

I am the Child

I am She,
I am the child of the Soil
I am the child of the Nation
I am the child of the World
I am the child that writes these thought provoking articles
This is my world
I reside here
I love it here
I am free here
I am understood here
I speak my mind here
I speak a language known to me but so universal
I speak a child's language - understood by the old

I am She
I am Child
I am the child that loves
I am the child that judges nobody
I am the only child with equal eyes
Everyone in my eyes is equal

I am Child
In black and white I write
I am the child that loves you unconditionally

I am a child so small with a heart so big!

I am Child.

A mother's daughter

She is her mother's daughter; well groomed to be what she is - respects the low, the high, the meek and the haughty ones; passing out judgement on no one.

She gives praise and honor to the deserving; constructive criticism and opinions when asked. Oh and she loves boundlessly; her love is bounty as boundless; oceanic like the ocean waters.

She despite her earthly achievements still performs the chores of a mother's daughter and still pleases her masters and mistresses in the ruthless corporate world.

Her heart is engraved with the words: kindness, humanity, long-suffering,righteousness, love, strength, courage and wisdom. It's her fear of God that sustains her.

Her true beauty is not what the eye sees. Her  serenity and warmth is what draws the young and old to her. She's a sister, a friend, a pillar of strength, confidante but above all her mother's daughter.

Because she is her mother's daughter - she remembers the wise words from her mother: "you are more than just your hips and thighs"; "respect and treat people of all walks equally"; "do unto others as you would like them to do unto you"; "forgive those that err against you"; "say I'm sorry and thank you - it doesn't demean you". She knows life's journey is thorny and mountainous - she journeys on, who said it would be easy?

Despite the soreness of her heart from being repeatedly hurt, stabbed and betrayed by those she trusted - she still trusts hoping not to be broken.

She laughs and cries - it's all expected of a mother's daughter. It's all the pain, misperception and betrayal - being scratched in all the wrong ways that's made her the finest gem she is - her mother's daughter.

This is whom I am.

I Beat Cancer - A Sly Thief

I wish I could explain to you,
about just how I feel inside.
My love for man and nature
and my feelings that collide.

I'm not sure what happened,
or just what it is I feel.
But what's going on inside of me,
is not something I can conceal.

I'm striving to explain it
in words I try to write.
I hope that they will bring
my readers some delight.

After I had my cancer
and I survived that scare.
There is many things now
in which I've become aware.

I don't know what happened
on that table there that day.
But I find it much more easy
to make time to stop and pray.

I know now man and nature
are connected to each other.
And if there's no respect,
mankind is soon smother.

At times I feel as if I'm one
with what ever it is inside.
I wish that love and peace
could grow to be worldwide

What Men are NOT Telling Us

This is an interesting revelation and confession by a man. It’s in the current O Mag…Bless the heart of the author of this good piece!

Here goes nothing sisters...

That women are mysterious and unknowable is something every young man grows up believing. Men, on the other hand, never think of themselves as mysterious or confusing, and we are often at a loss as to why women want to figure us out. But since you asked:

When you say we don't really talk to you or reveal ourselves to you, we wish you knew just how much we have had to suppress about our desires, pains, fears, and vulnerability over the years to conform to the script of masculinity that we are given. Sometimes we don't open up because we are afraid of what we will find. We are also afraid that if you see who we really are, in all our flawed humanity (and not the flaws that annoy you, like being untidy or driving fast), you won't like us.

Men do communicate, often very directly, but women sometimes cannot accept how simple what we have to say is. We seldom play games—we aren't that sophisticated. If we don't call you for a couple of days after a date, it is because either we are afraid you will think we are stalkers (and we will call on day three) or we aren't into you. That's all there is.

We are as nervous as you are about sex; I don't care what you've heard. Your anatomy is a mystery that nobody bothers explaining to us. Even when we think we have mastered one woman's body, every body is different. We feel inadequate if we can't satisfy you in bed, and since no one has told us what to do with feelings of inadequacy, we project them onto you. Sad but true.

We are very insecure about how we look and what you really think about us, and we are excited when you do small, nice things for us like make coffee or come with us to the barber or just buy us a good book. We've been trained never to show this side to you, but it is there.

We are not subtle creatures. You might think that when you play with your hair in our presence, we know that means you like us. We don't know for sure. Men who do are bad men (sorry, guys!). And anything you've been told about playing hard to get is wrong.

We crave cuddling and hand-holding, maybe even more than you do.

We are desperate to please you because we know you are far sexier and more beautiful than you will ever admit to yourself, and we're confused (but extremely happy) as to why you like us.

Here's the thing: You rescue us every day in small, quiet ways, so why not in this way? Let us into your mystery, tell us how you would like to be loved, show us how to see you, really see you.

A Woman - An Epitome of life

It was a Saturday this cold afternoon, inside this house there lived a frightened young girl. She didn't know what she should do because she missed her mother sorely. She was left all alone with her stepfather. He touched her places that he should not have touched. He did some things to her that he should not have done, so she ran into her room; paged her mother 10777. She told her mother and family and friends but sadly no one believed her because before this happened - she was filled with hate and anger towards her stepfather because he had taken her mother from her when they married.
She looked for a father in the man that she saw in a quest for love, security and happiness. One day the young girl rebelled and she fell in love with a like her stepfather. He abused her emotionally and made her like she was worthless...

To all the sisters, aunts, mothers, daughters - all the women and girls who have been down this route or are treading on this path, I want you to know one thing: it is not fault, it will never be! How is sexual abuse ever an innocent girl's fault? How is emotional abuse a wife's fault? Is this what nature intended for us? No, never! God created us to be valued as complements in men's lousy lives not punching bags and sexual objects and domestic slavery!

Sisters we are beautiful, we are strong! We carry a 4kg baby in our bellies and still do all domestic chores and still carry the weight of a 90kg man when the sun sets! Could this self acclaimed leaders called men do that? And we still walk in heels and get the floor spotless clean?

We are fortresses, pillars of strength, epitomes of life!

You have not lost your feminity and woman beauty and pride that God deservedly bestowed in you simply because a man has vandalised your physique.

I'm not angry but mad as hell! Afforded a chance to sit with a women abuser or rapist: heaven only knows the outcome.
Fed up!